Damn you Mixtape. This site was dead. June 1st I was going to hang it up, take it down and move on with my life. Then IGN decided to give “shitape” a 10/10. I had to play it now. So I did. For exactly 5 minutes, before my brain was bleeding out of my ears with how bad it is. I couldn’t take it anymore. Thankfully, I didn’t have to pay for it, directly. It came with Xbox Gamepass Ultimate. I will now regale you with how absolutely terrible Mixtape is.
Mixtape’s First Five Minutes.
Mixtape opens with Girl Boss talking about how cds are future of music, basically an ad pitch, in an annoying tone. The dialog was written and delivered by people who forgot how people actually talk, especially teenagers. Then your buddies show up, you skateboard down a mountain to the credits, popping pointless tricks if you want, while Devo plays. Then you hang out in front of your house talking about your bodacious plan. Then you go inside, your dad yells to call your sister, and my brain liquefied.
That’s it. That’s the first five minutes of Mixtape. I can’t bother playing anymore, its too painful, too traumatic. The people who made this game, didn’t grow up in the 90s, much less were born in that decade. And it shows. People on X were destroying the choppy graphics, honestly, that’s the least of this game’s problems. Its choppy on purpose, almost like a stop-motion animation.
The Astroturfing
So this brings us to the astroturfing by critics, 85% for PS5 on Metacritic. Mixtape if, I did a more formal review, this would get a garbage verdict with a five score, graphics and sound are solid, its everything else that sucks. This game reminds me of Gone Home, which had a similar astroturfing. Except I sat through Gone Home the first time. I couldn’t even last five minutes with Mixtape. Don’t listen to the critics, who were either friends with the developers, or paid on the back end. If you listen to anyone, listen to me. Do not play this game, ever. Let it die. Even if you’re the target demographic, the game would still be torture due to the obnoxiousness of it. You have been warned.
The Game Slush Pile had a date of execution, 6/1/26. That is obviously no more. I guess I will come back, maybe even get a Switch 2 in the next few months(my steam deck got fried while attempting a repair). What will probably end up happening is I’ll move the site to a different platform that’s cheaper than WordPress.com is. I realize now I have a purpose, a reason for existing. To warn the pubic of the shit hiding in plain sight, like Mixtape. I’m back baby!
