I Know This Classic Game Is A Masterpiece – I Just Can’t Stand Playing It

After about three decades of gaming, and having worked in the industry for half that time, it’s safe to say I’ve been around the block a few times. I know my favorite genres, the must-plays within them, and some of the more obscure picks I can confidently recommend.

Conversely, I know at a glance when a game just isn’t going to be for me. If I had to choose only one genre that I typically don’t like, it would be puzzle games. Which is where the problem begins.

You see, I also have a deep love of retro games and a considerable case of FOMO. Combine all of this, and the end result is that I feel I should show due diligence to one of the Best Games Of All Time, the retro classic Tetris, but also that I just don’t have the willpower to stick with it for very long at all. No matter how many clones it’s spawned.

What is it about puzzle games that doesn’t agree with me? I think it’s partly that, typically, they don’t ‘end.’ When you have a backlog that, stacked vertically, would be about the height of the Chrysler Building, it’s important to be able to tick games off of it.

I enjoy a good endless mode from time to time, but I also like to wrap up a narrative and move on to the next game. This industry waits for nobody, after all. Further, the all important positioning of the Tetriminos feels incredibly awkward to me.

There’s an art to quickly spinning them as they fall and positioning them optimally. Checking the little panel that tells you which block is coming up next and taking that into account can be a crucial part of it too.

Sadly, when I play, it all quickly falls apart as I place an annoying-shaped block, which then sets me all the way back and makes it much more difficult to clear any decent rows. Unlike some puzzle titles, that’s all there is to Tetris really.

Naturally, my only friend and ally, the ‘I’ block, is never anywhere to be seen when I need it. I think it sneaks away to re-watch Scrubs on Disney+ or something whenever I have a perfect four-deep gap to slot it into. Which I never do.

There’s Nothing More Puzzling Than Tetriminos

Of course, practicing and steadily improving at the game would help me to resolve some of my block-fumbling issues. I’ve tried multiple times with the Game Boy version, available via Nintendo Switch Online, but I don’t have the drive to stick with it long enough for that to happen.

It’s a shame that one of the most beloved titles from one of my favorite eras of gaming doesn’t appeal to me, and that the innumerable flashier versions of Tetris that have been released since 1989 haven’t either.

Still, you can’t please everyone.

At one point, it seemed that the whole world was playing Tetris, just as it seemed that we were all watching Game of Thrones. Some people look at us in shocked disbelief when we tell them that we haven’t played/watched such-and-such, or that we just don’t like them, but it’s entirely valid.

This isn’t to say that I think Tetris is a bad game, by any means. The best games, to me, are those that set out to achieve something very specific, and waste no time in doing so. Really, Tetris is one of the purest possible examples of that.

It’s a simple concept, and a masterpiece of design. No extraneous fluff, just a flawless execution of a basic idea that made a true monster seller. Like Pong. The existence of the so-called Tetris Effect proves how absolutely absorbing it can be. I suppose I’m just immune to its charms. The music sure is iconic, though.